The Rantings of a Forgotten Mary Sue

Was talking with Kielle – our favorite Scribe – on the matter of "Mary Sues." We all know Mary Sues. Heck, every writer's probably had one. (C'mon...y'know you have... ;-) That beloved character who was a slice (or maybe a chunk<g>) of you, and who let you voyeuristically experience the most amazing adventures...

Anyways, was talking with Kielle, and she sparked all these old memories about my first Mary Sue. I'd almost forgotten about her – or thought I had, though since I kept her name she was probably somewhere in my subconscious – but she's now found fresh ears to howl her complaints into...namely mine. <sigh> Kielle said that Jaya at least deserved a rant, and Jaya took her up on it.

So what I have to listen to, y'all have to listen to. ;-) Disclaimer posted at the end...

Without further ado...

by Kaylee

It just figures.

I was there from the beginning. I was there when the little snot didn't even know how to fasten a bra without getting that annoying kink in the shoulders. I was there when a driver's license was just a fond dream and puberty was nothing but a three-syllable word.

No no no...don't mind me. I just saved the world a few dozen times. I took on the Brood. I even played chess with the Brood Queen. (Of course, I'd been implanted with an egg, but she came to respect me and so kindly had it removed so that I could live...wasn't that nice of her?)

I was once the physical manifestation of the Rafix force – and honey, you think the Phoenix is something? Hah! Rafix spawned Phoenix! Phoenix was nothing! I took on Dark Phoenix and had her beat in two seconds flat! (And then, being a compassionate victor, I purged the evil influence from her mind so Jean Grey could live happy and free from darkness...)

I faced the Reavers. Pathetic slobs, they were. Left them searching a junkyard for spare parts.

I took on the Marauders. Joined them for a while. Led them after that. Eventually decided the only one worth redeeming was Creed, so I offed the rest and inspired him to recant his evil ways out of lust--er, love for me. And he wasn't half-bad after I had him burn that damned fur-lined costume!

I fought the X-Men. And won. (It helped that I had Infinite Power, I admit...) Then politely left them alive, as it had all been a case of mistaken identity.

I chased back the Beyonder. Yawning all the while.

I fixed Xavier's back and legs so he could walk. He still couldn't get that jump-shot, though.

I gave Scott control over his optic blasts.

I gave Rogue a way to touch others.

I was damn magnanimous, wasn't I??

And this doesn't even include how I finally showed Samuel Beckett the way home, or how I raced the Black Stallion across a sun-drenched beach, or how I was the only Herald to bond to a black Companion, or how I taught Luke Skywalker a thing or two about the Force, or how I showed Han Solo what a real pilot could do with the Millennium Falcon, or how I turned Darth Vader away from the Dark Side, or how I lived in the House of Thendara on Darkover, or how I was the first human to ever walk the Path to the Moon and be welcomed into the Court of the Outermost West with the Army of One Hundred and Five...

I did everything!

And what did she do?

What did she do after all those wonderful years?

She forgot me, that's what. Brushed me off. Tossed me aside. "Moved on" to a "grown-up character."

So tell me...just what the hell is so not-grown-up about a demi-god-embodiment-of-unparralelled-cosmic-power-wielder-of-the-Force-occasionally-slightly-vampiric-lover-of-just-about-every-man-and-no-few-women-in-many-major-fandoms-and-a-handful-of-imaginary-worlds-universe-saving-never-older-than-eighteen-never-younger-than-sixteen-never-more-than-one-hundred-and-fifteen-pounds woman named Jaya, huh?? Answer me that!!!

But no...no no no...Jaya wasn't good enough for her anymore. Instead there was this intruder...this most unwelcome guest who crowded her way in and gradually shoved me farther and farther into the background. Forget that I once negotiated world peace and caused all nuclear weapons to be melted into paperweights! Forget that I single-handedly held off an invasion of invisible body-snatchers from Pluto! Forget that I found my way into every single world/galaxy/dimension-crossing fantasy her child's brain could dream up!

She set me aside.

For this "Kai" woman.

...

Can't you see the INJUSTICE?!?

~end~

Disclaimers: Everyone but Jaya and Kai belongs to someone else. I make no money. If you sued me for this, Judge Judy'd laugh you outta the court room. ;-)

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