Next Best Thing
Winner of the 2001 Comic Book Fan Fiction Award for Best Marvel Story!

by Jim Smith

Chapter Nine! "Behold...The Clan D'dl'lh!"

***

"From the KXAY studios in Boulder, Colorado, this is NTN Thunderwatch with Gayle Rogers..."

"Good evening. Since their debut, the Thunderbolts have been one of the most controversial superhuman factions in the world--first eclipsing the popularity of the renowned Avengers and Fantastic Four, then becoming pariahs when they were revealed to be criminals. Ever since they saved the world from their own plot to conquer it, NTN has been asking--on behalf of its viewers--whether this secluded group consists of imperfect heroes...or opportunistic con men. This week we examine the ramifications of their newest member, and what his involvement indicates about their goals.

"Warren Worthington III has been one of the nation's most well-known mutants since he revealed himself to be the winged superhero 'The Angel.' As both a member of the social elite and a supporter of the enigmatic X-Men, he's provided a small sense of legitimacy to the mutant-rights cause, often using his financial influence to achieve harmony between humans and mutants. Similarly, it may be no coincidence that Cordco Industries has abandoned its anti-Thunderbolts agenda, mere weeks after the Angel first aligned himself with the team.

"Our attempts to contact Hawkeye--the ex-Avenger guiding the Thunderbolts' redemption--for comments on this addition to their roster have failed. Hawkeye has not been seen in any capacity since the Thunderbolts defeated supervillain Graviton in San Francisco. After the break, we'll show you our interview with Avengers chairman Captain America, and discuss the possibility that Hawkeye's team may have indeed turned on their own lea--SKRRZZTT!!"

The transmission faded out abruptly as the man flew too far from Boulder to pick up the station's signal on his transceiver. Just as well, since the news had not pleased him. He skillfully steered his small craft across the Oklahoma border, following the highways without flying so close as to be seen. As he neared his destination, he tuned into another broadcast.

"...Rash of church fires plaguing southwest US has made its way to Pauls Valley, attracting superhero activity. The Garvin County Sheriff's Department has confirmed that the Thunderbolts have flown in from Colorado--citizens are advised to stay indoors until the National Guard can be mobilized..."

It would take time for the Guard to get to this part of the state, though. That gave him a window of opportunity. He'd reach the Thunderbolts first...and his presence would foreshadow a looming threat to those outlaws...

***

In the Thunderbolts' quest to prove their reformation to the world, it was vital to put their superpowers to good use, but there was no reason they couldn't deal with something small now and then. Ending a series of church burnings would get as much good publicity as protecting innocent people from the Hulk--and there'd be less bruises. After all, when they had left Colorado to investigate, everything they'd heard about the case suggested the crimes were the work of racists. The Ku Klux Klan, Hawkeye had assured them, or even the Sons of the Serpent, would be no match for the combined power of Moonstone, Songbird, Atlas, Jolt, Charcoal, and Archangel. They had arrived in Oklahoma, sure of an easy victory.

"Thou shalt perish, impudent mortal! Perish, verily, at the hands of...THE CLAN D'DL'LH!"

They had been wrong. By the time the Thunderbolts had followed the arsonists' trail to Pauls Valley's First Church of Christ, it was clear that minorities had not been the intended target. Indeed, given that they had tracked the culprits down in one afternoon (after the proper authorities had spent weeks on the case), it looked much more likely that the entire affair had been for the Thunderbolts' benefit. When they had burst into the burning chapel and discovered three large demons, that seemed to confirm it.

"Don't sing it, Hot Stuff," Songbird retorted. "Bring it." Unlike Daevonh, the monster who was threatening her, Songbird was able to do both. Her sonic carapace and bionic larynx enabled her to turn her voice into solid energy constructs. She could hum a few bars and have pink sonic anvils raining down on this creature, but she was preoccupied. The chapel's interior was already in flames when the Thunderbolts arrived; to keep the fire from spreading, she had encased the walls, the floor, and the ceiling with solid sound. Like a diagram of a stomach in one of those Pepto-Bismol ads, the chapel was coated in a glossy pinkness that snuffed the blaze. And she had to concentrate to keep it that way.

"Aye, wench--indeed I shall," Daevonh spat back, "to thine everlasting remorse!" Flames spewed from its mouth and licked at the cocoon Songbird had surrounded herself with. Her sonic shields were essentially fireproof, but the heat caused feedback to reverberate to their source. The pain Songbird felt was certainly preferable to being burned alive, but eventually the strain would leave her too weak to maintain her defenses.

She wasn't about to let on that she was scared, though. "What's wrong, Puffnstuff? Need some more lighter fluid? I'm beginning to think Thor and Hercules have it easy, if all those thee-and-thou types they fight are just chumps like you!"

Daevonh muttered an inhuman growl and pounded its fists against Songbird's cocoon. "Kierrok's eye! Thou wilt pay for thine effrontery..."

Songbird winced. Punches from a monster of Daevonh's strength were just as painful as the fire. But by now her pride was at stake; she refused to let this self-important beast see fear in her eyes. "Nnnh...you just keep telling yourself that," she went on. "Like...like I'm gonna lay down for some...cheeseball who reads too much Lovecraft..." She smiled more confidently, holding its attention, and as her assailant reared back for a final blow, it was pulled off its feet by a bright blur.

"Ah ah, Daevonh! I like those big green eyes too much to let you blacken them!"

"Much obliged, Wings!" Songbird called back to Archangel as he sped off, luring the demon away from her. She relaxed slightly, refocusing on maintaining her shields, and watched the battle around her. She was powerless to help her team battle the Clan--to do so would risk breaking her concentration and exposing the church to the creatures' fiery breath--and her protection of the building was ultimately hindering the Thunderbolts offense.

"There!" she heard Atlas cry. "Hit 'im there, Hallie!" Confined inside the chapel, Atlas couldn't grow large enough to match the D'dl'lhs' strength. He found himself using the same tactics as the teenage dynamo, Jolt--darting around "L'spahk" and taking jabs wherever he could. "There's a nerve center right there that'll hurt like heck if you hit it hard enough--if this thing's human, anyway..." Together, the two Thunderbolts kept the smaller demon busy, but it was only a matter of time before it overwhelmed them.

Archangel was also boxed in by these conditions, unable to maneuver properly with his enormous mutant wings. His trick to divert Daevonh from Songbird would have been more productive if the X-Man had any space to divert it to. It was all he could do just to lead the oaf into the diamond-hard fists of Charcoal. "At least these guys have stopped trying to torch me with their bad breath," Charlie Burlingame quipped as he pounded on Daevonh. "They might as well try tickling Archangel with a feather duster!" A hulking mass of carbon--which he could will into any state--Charcoal was probably the most effective Thunderbolt under these conditions. But he didn't dare ignite his body to fly, or to burn his enemies; that would only risk damaging Songbird's shields.

Moonstone battled the third demon, B'b'rhh, alone. With Atlas's limited size, she was the heaviest hitter on the team at the moment. She'd taken that into account when she devised the Thunderbolts' plan of attack. Battling the Clan five-to-three--with Songbird protecting the church--was hopeless, unless they could incapacitate one of the D'dl'lhs and improve the odds. Which meant that Atlas, Jolt, Charcoal, and Archangel would have to be mismatched against two of the creatures, to buy Moonstone enough time to incapacitate the third.

Assuming she _could_, anyway. B'b'rhh withstood her blows with unholy endurance, and showed no signs of fatigue. As Songbird watched, she could see all too plainly what was happening. It was toying with Moonstone, not even trying to stop her from hitting it with everything she had. And Dr. Karla Sofen, for all her dispassionate, analytical bluster, was starting to let it get under her skin. The two women had been teammates since the beginning of the Thunderbolts, and by now Songbird was beginning to understand the former psychiatrist. She maintained her self-confidence by manipulating her teammates, and staying in control of her situation. When she was winning. When Moonstone was on the defensive, though, she started to slip--like she did against the Hulk in Wyoming.*

[* Well, not the Hulk, exactly--but that's the gist of T-BOLTS #16.]

"Songbird!" Moonstone snapped at her. "You have to let me out here!"

This was it, Songbird thought. She was panicking. "Are you crazy, Karla?"

"I have an idea, but I have to be on the outside of your sonic field to make it work!"

"So phase out!" Songbird huffed. "If I make an opening, the Beagle Boys will get out and torch this place--and more than likely, _we'll_ get blamed for it!"

"I _can't_ phase out!" Moonstone protested. As she stopped to argue with Songbird, she became intangible, allowing B'b'rhh's fists to plow right through her without effect. "Intense sonic energy like your sound constructs resonate at a frequency so high that I can't move out of synch with the air around it!"

"All right, all right...let me think..." Songbird became lost in thought, recalling her knowledge of acoustics. She'd been trained in the use of her powers by everyone from Angar the Screamer to Baron Zemo; the result was a sixth-grade dropout with an uncanny grasp of high-school physics. "Sound is nothing but vibrations in a medium, such as air..." she considered aloud.

"Hurry!" Moonstone screamed. In addition to Songbird's solid sound, she also couldn't phase through pure energy, like B'b'rhh's fiery breath. The creature had deduced this and was determined to broil the Thunderbolt.

"I _am_ hurrying! Dammit...the sonic transducers control the path of the soundwaves, directing them back and forth across a given space within the medium, simulating potential energy...so it's just like solid matter, except...got it!"

"It's about time!"

"We have to align your molecular structrue to the field's frequency," Songbird explained. "Make contact with it and sing 'Jesse's Girl...'"

"_Excuse_ me?"

"I make these fields out of sound, Moonstone! Every aspect of them is a tone in a sequence!"

"And that sequence is a Rick Springfield song?"

"I didn't _build_ the thing!" Songbird yelled in frustration. Sing it or you'll never get out of here!"

Moonstone dodged another of B'b'rhh's swipes and pressed herself against the sonic field. "Ahh...Jesse is a friend..."

"Don't recite the lyrics--_sing_ it!"

Moonstone fumed, and took a deep breath. "Jesse is a friend...yeah, I know he's been a good friend of mine...but lately something's changed, it ain't hard to define, Jesse's got himself a girl and I wanna make her mine..."

"Louder!"

She rolled onto the floor, ducking B'b'rhh's confused attack. "And she's watchin' him with those eeeeyessss! And she's lovin' him with that body I _just know it_! And he's holdin' her in his arrrrms late-late-at-night..."

"Moons-tone _deaf_, they should've called you... _On key_, Karla!"

"You know I wish that I had _Jesse's girl_! I wish that I had _Jesse's girl_!"

"Louder!"

"WHERE CAN I FIND A WOMAN LIKE THAT!?" She fell through the floor.

Songbird smiled triumphantly as she felt the entire chapel shudder and move. Moonstone hadn't had a chance to explain her plan, but she was getting the gist of it now. Now that she could phase _through_ the sonic fields, she could phase _with_ them, and move their contents out of the First Church of Christ. To help her, Songbird changed the shape of the construct, compacting it to a more manageable size as Moonstone lifted it up from the ground and through the roof. All the while, singing to maintain her molecular harmony with the giant bubble.

"I play along with the charade...there doesn't seem to be a reason to change...You know I feel so dirty when they start talkin' cute, I wanna tell her I love her but the point is probably moot--this is ridiculous, Songbird." Lifting the bubble as she flew had always been child's play for Moonstone, so the moment she didn't have to phase it through anything, she ceased to sing. "But I think it'll be worth it. Now!"

The bubble dissipated high above Pauls Valley, catching the Clan D'dl'lh completely off guard. The Thunderbolts had also been unprepared for Moonstone and Songbird's coordination, but knew they could count on one another to be brought down to earth safely. They descended in the church's parking lot, where their demonic foes had made a crater in the asphalt.

Atlas approached them as soon as Songbird lowered him to the ground. "That knocked 'em out," he declared. "Think they'll have any fight left in--awwww, crud."

"Yea, doomed mortal...The Clan D'dl'lh doth yet thrive!" L'spahk rose up from the crater, psychotically focused on destroying them. Behind him, Daevonh and B'b'rhh regained consciousness as well; all three looked relatively unfatigued by the battle to that point. "Ye shall suffer, Thunderbolts...suffer piteously, in the name of our dark king...and nothing can saveth you from--eh?"

"Think again, boys!" The voice came from above, as a small flying craft swooped into view. "Ain't nobody takin' down the T-bolts without the express written permission of...HAWKEYE!"

His atomic steed circled around automatically while he drew back his bowstring, casting an explosive-tipped arrow at the Clan. The blast did little to hurt them, but it rattled them as they leapt away from the explosion. By then, Hawkeye had landed and joined his team--now with a full roster for the first time in weeks.* "Great work so far, T-bolts," he began, "from the looks of it, it took some doin', but you're starting to get the upper hand on these clowns...so we'd better not let up! Charcoal--now that we're clear of the church, you can--"

[* Ever since the events in Chapter 2.]

He did a double-take, and realized that the Thunderbolts were in shock. "Hawkeye?" Jolt finally managed to ask in disbelief. "How...where...?"

"Nuts," the archer interrupted, "I wasn't thinkin' about how surprised you'd be to see me. Before I fill you in, though, we gotta finish off these--huh?"

B'b'rhh would have been shaking in his boots, if his cloven hooves could fit in boots. "'Tis their leader, Daevonh! They hath regained the advantage!"

"Aye, brother, and our black lord shall forgive withdrawal more readily than defeat! L'spahk, remove us from this battle!"

L'spahk's face contorted as he spoke some bizarre incantation, and then offered some final, threatening remarks. "Fare you well...for the present, Thunderbolts," he growled as the three demons were enveloped in a pillar of smoke, "for your future shall be naught but the Clan D'dl'lh's revenge!" The smoke obscured them completely, and then ignited into a burst of light and the faint scent of...

"Brimstone," Archangel noted with a flare of his nostrils. "Cute."

Hawkeye knelt down in front of the spot where the creatures had vanished, examining the scene. "Yeah, that's what I was thinking, Wings," he mused. "One of your boys does that trick, right?"

"You mean Nightcrawler?" Jolt asked. "But that's his mutant power, teleporting like that. He doesn't use magic spells to--"

Hawkeye waved his hand, dismissing her reasoning. "Naw, but he could make it look that way, if he wanted to. If Atlas started goin' 'bricka-bracka-firecracker, sis-boom-bah' whenever he gets big, he might have people thinkin' _he_ was some mystical cuss. Doesn't mean he is one, and the same goes for these lunks."

"Still," Moonstone added, "we'd better leave open the possibility that the Clan D'dl'lh are what they say they are, Hawkeye. "There are superhumans like Nightcrawler who resemble demons, and then there are superhumans who _are_ demons, like Magik."

"Huh? Like magic what?" Atlas asked.

"No...Magik," she corrected. "One of the New Mutants--she's dead, though, if I'm not mistaken. Warren?"

Archangel raised an eyebrow. "She...is," he answered. As the others wondered privately who the New Mutants were, he remembered the day he met Moonstone*--when she compared the Thunderbolts' checkered past with the X-Men's associations with Magneto, Sabretooth, and even Onslaught. "Most of the X-Men never make national news, Moonstone," he went on. It was a longshot, but maybe if he made the appearance of idle conversation, he could get her to explain. "Your...familiarity with them is...intriguing..."

[* In THUNDERBOLTS #27.]

He wouldn't get the answer that easily. "I know," She smiled coyly, "but back to business. I thought all of your specialized arrowheads were destroyed, Hawkeye. For that matter, you were wearing them on your costume--and your person--when it happened, and both don't even look scratched now."

Hawkeye nodded. "Chalk it up to our 'magic elves,' Moonstone. After you guys left for Oklahoma this morning, I took a nap, and woke up feeling like that accident never happened. Even the scars are gone."

"I'll...check that later," she grinned.

Hawkeye blushed slightly and continued. "I've been laid up so long that I hadn't even started on sewin' up my costume, but it was hangin' in the closet, good as new. So was all my gear. To be honest, I was startin' to get creeped out about it--whatever it was that patched up Atlas's costume and Songbird's carapace,* I didn't feel like sittin' home alone with it if it can do that to people, too. Just as well that I came, too--Gayle Rogers was doin' a story on us, and she thinks you guys left me in a ditch somewhere."

[* See THUNDERBOLTS #29 and "Next Best Thing," Chapter 4]

"And hey, it's great to have you back, boss," Atlas pointed out, "but as soon as those spuds got a look at you, they ran like scared rabbits. What makes them think you can beat 'em when the six of us were on the ropes?"

"What they think," Moonstone decided, "is that if we go after them now--with our entire roster--we won't have any reinforcements to call on...when we fall into their trap."

Hawkeye cracked his knuckles. "Then the sooner we fall into it, the sooner we can break out of it and find out what this is all about."

***

The Thunderbolts hideout was an elaborate facility built directly into Mount Charteris, easily hidden among the Rockies. It's origins seemed to be lost to history, but many criminal organizations had stumbled onto it, and stayed safely hidden within it for months at a time. When Hawkeye had left the base to go after the Thunderbolts, he had been confident that it would remain secure in his absence.

It did, for about two hours.

"We're in!"

"You said it, Bomblast. We must've been staked out on that cliff for 24 hours, but they finally all cleared out." Sentry was the armored leader of a mercenary group known as "The Jury." They had been hired by Cordco Industries to rid Colorado of the Thunderbolts, up until Archangel threatened legal action against the corporation. Sentry, Bomblast, Wysper, Firearm, and Ramshot had been fired shortly thereafter, and had the Jury been left to their own devices they might have just moved on to the next job.

"I just don't get why we had to wait so long after Hawkeye left before I crashed the place," Ramshot observed as he followed Sentry and Bomblast into the hangar. "I think I've got a crick in my neck from sleeping on that rock with my armor on..."

The Jury, however, had not been left to their own devices. Cordco had decided that the Jury would be no match for the Thunderbolts--not without training. Another vigilante, the USAgent, was brought in to command the team. When the news came down from on high that they were all out of a job, the Agent wasn't going to let his team take it lying down. Instead of relinquishing their company-owned weapons and equipment, the Jury followed him on a daring mission to locate the Thunderbolts' base. After all, the Thunderbolts couldn't sue Cordco if they were dead, and Cordco could use the money saved on litigation to pay the Jury for its services.

"We had to be sure that the Thunderbolts had no...associates that we were unaware of, my boy," USAgent said calmly as Firearm carried him in. "For our mission to succeed, they must not be warned of our presence here--which is why we did not risk invading when Hawkeye was left alone. He could have evaded us long enough to contact the others and bring them back here."

"That doesn't make sense to me, sir," Wysper respectfully commented. "We came here so that we could take the T-bolts down...don't we _want_ them to come back here?"

"Hm...? Yes...of course, my dear." The Jury only had one problem: This was not the USAgent, and collecting on a bounty was the last thing on his mind. The real Agent had been wounded some time back, and had only discovered that he'd been replaced a few hours after this man led the Jury to Mount Charteris.* "You must understand, however," the imposter went on, "that the element of surprise is an important one. We must use it to the fullest advantage. Suppose the tables were turned. Suppose that you were the victims of an impending ambush, and a team of highly-trained, unscrupulous sociopaths were lying in wait...prepared for the moment that you lowered your guard..."

[* It makes more sense if you read Chapter 8, promise.]

"No sweat," Bomblast replied confidently. "We'd recover, retake the advantage..."

The would-be USAgent smirked. "Of course you would. But you're thinking of an ambush that you'd _expect_, from enemies you're looking for around every corner. Suppose you hadn't the foggiest idea why your attackers were so intent upon murdering you? Suppose they were not at all like you had heard--suppose instead of five or six of them, there were nine...or ten? Coming at you from where you least expected..."

"We'd still come through," Sentry answered, "because we're not the incompetents you think we are. I've been paying attention, 'Agent'...and you had me fooled for a while, but ever since Mr. Cord fired us, you've been acting strangely. At first I figured you didn't handle failure real well, but it just kept adding up."

The Jury was nothing if not a team--all it took was a few words from Sentry, and they were all at the ready, pointing their weapons at the imposter. "You're trying to pull something on us," Sentry continued. "Maybe you're Venom or Deadpool, trying to set us up so the Thunderbolts will let you join them. But you got sloppy, because you tried to be cute and slip us hints...and you just thought we were too stupid to notice, didn't you?"

"USAgent" simply offered a cold stare over Sentry's head. "My boy," he replied, "I'll go to blazes before I underestimate anyone. I didn't let you realize the truth because I thought you were too stupid. It was simply too late for you to stop it."

"Stop what?"

It came out of nowhere, but it hit the Jury everywhere. Whatever the phony USAgent had allowed to set itself up in the last two hours was brutally efficient. In seconds they were stunned. By the first minute, blood was spraying out of cracks in their armor. After five minutes, the Jury's suffering stopped being amusing, and they were simply killed.

"That," he finally answered, with a wicked smile.

***

"...and she's watchin' him with those eeeeyessss! And she's lovin' him with that body I _just know it_! And he's holdin' her in his arrrrms late-late-at-night...You know I wish that I had Jesse's girl! I wish that I had Jesse's girl! Where can I find a woman like that!?"

"Well hey, whadd'ya know?" Atlas smiled and landed the Champscraft a safe distance from Pauls Valley's city limits.

Moonstone groaned. "Oh for the love of..."

"Yessir, Erik," Jolt beamed as she tuned the radio, "the Avengers have Jarvis, the Fantastic Four have Wyatt Wingfoot, and the Defenders had Dolly Donhaue. But only the Thunderbolts have rock star Rick Springfield backing them up!"

"I didn't even know the Champscraft _had_ a radio..." Moonstone muttered.

"Hmm? It didn't," Archangel replied, looking up from the map he and Hawkeye were plotting. "After Graviton rattled it, it needed repairs, so Atlas and I gave it a tune-up after got back from San Francisco. I guess we pulled an all-nighter, so the magic elves didn't come out to do it for us."

"Listen to this, Angel," Hawkeye broke in. "Just picked up another police report about another fire in Enid while we were busy here in Pauls Valley...the arsonists vanished about the same time as the Clan did."

"Enid...let me put that on the map..." As Archangel did this, his brow furrowed. "Oh, this has to be a trap...their trail is forming a pattern--"

"...Then I'm lookin' in the mirror all the ti-iime...wonderin' what she don't _seeee_ in me...I've been funny, I've been coooool with the li-iines...ain't that the way love's supposed to be..."

Archangel rolled his eyes. "Will you turn that damn thing off!?"

Atlas complied, and Archangel returned to his train of thought. Hawkeye leaned forward from the Champscraft's back seat, curious about the Thunderbolts' fascination with the song. "Did I miss somethin' while I was flying down here?"

"It's _nothing_ Hawkeye, really," Moonstone insisted. "To keep the D'dl'lhs from burning the church, Songbird had enclosed all of us inside of one of her sonic fields. I had to get out of it to move the fight outside, so Songbird and I devised a plan to let me phase through sonic energy."

"Huh?" Hawkeye blinked.

"She had to sing to stay in synch with the field," Songbird elaborated.

"And she was pretty good," Charcoal noted. "When we get back to Burton Canyon, I'm gonna suggest you perform at the prom!"

Moonstone ignored him. "I will admit, though, Melissa--your solution to the problem was impressive, given the circumstances. Now that you know how to let me pass through your solid-sound constructs, we can use that..."

Songbird couldn't hold it in anymore, and started to chuckle. "Come off it, Karla--I've always known how to do that. Just because you couldn't phase through Wypser's sonic blasts* doesn't mean you can't phase through mine."

"What?" Moonstone was stunned. "But, when I was trying to push through, I couldn't--"

"That's because I know how some tricks to increase the field's cohesion, the same way Klaw kept you pinned down that time in Texas.** I _had_ been doing it to keep the D'dl'lhs from pulling any surprises on us--for all we knew, they could phase like you--but when I saw you starting to panic, I couldn't help myself..."

[* THUNDERBOLTS #23 and ** THUNDERBOLTS #20, respectively.]

Jolt stared, wide-eyed in disbelief. "You mean you...oh man!"

Moonstone grimaced under her mask. Her machinations and self-interested motives had always made her...less than popular among the team, and there was little hope of preventing the team from having a laugh at her expense. "Very...amusing, Songbird," she conceded, as the other Thunderbolts began to snicker and chortle.

But two of them had less reason to smile. "Is that what I think it is, Wings?" Hawkeye asked, connecting the points they had plotted on the map.

As the Thunderbolts noticed their leader's severe tone, they found Archangel's even more grave. "The way they went on about their 'dark king,' Hawkeye? I'd say it's meant to be exactly what it looks like. I'd even bet that it's intentionally pointed straight at New York..."

"New York?" Songbird repeated. "What's in New York?"

Archangel ran his finger along the shape Hawkeye had drawn. The D'dl'lhs hadn't been to enough churches to make all the points, but what was already there made it easy to see a large pitchfork, stretching across three states. "The headquarters of the Hellfire Club, Songbird..."

[next part]

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