A Little Dream

by Diamonde

Everybody has dreams.  Little kids who run around with salad bowls over their heads preparing to be asronauts.  One day they're going to play hopscotch on the moon.  The most cynical, world-weary, middle-aged killers have dreams, even if they don't admit it to themselves.  But deep down they think 'one day I'll get my soul out of hock and get out of this city to somewhere green, somewhere where people don't lock their doors and it's okay that they know your name'.

I had a dream.  I acted like such a realist, even pessimistic for someone with my power, and was always the one to say "well, life's a bitch".  But I had a dream.  I just didn't want to tell anyone, in case it was like birthday wishes and if I did it wouldn't come true.  I used a lot of birthday wishes on that dream, even though I never told anyone when my birthday was. You still get the wishes.

I got my wish.  I got it big.  Someone in the sky suddenly got to my list and found out it was going to be a real quickie to fill.  Then boom, dreams do come true.

Nate killed Aocalypse and saved Scott.  And once again, Stryfe's dead.  Ding dong, the wicked witches are dead, right?  Right.  Trouble is, there's no munchkins left to dance.  Just me.  Because I'm so damn lucky.

Be careful what you wish for and all that crap.  It's not enough to tell the genie "I want to live forever". You have to say "I want eternal twenty-something-ness that can't be killed, unless I get really bored and want to off myself".  Can't say "I want to be the richest woman in the world", you have to say "I want to have more _money_ than the richest woman in the world, and I want it to come through perfectly legitemate channels so nobody can ever ask questions about where it came from".

See, I shouldn't have said that I wanted Nate to complete his stupid mission and win so he could move on.  I should have wished for Nate to finish his stupid mission successfully and be okay so that us and the kids can march off into the sunset and blow something up to celebrate.  Then I could be all outraged because I didn't get what I wished for.

Nate has completed his stupid mission and he has moved on.  He's just moved on in a stupid direction. Putting it that way I suppose shouldn't be surprised, but I have my stupid moments too.  So Nate's being stupid and doing it without me.  He's a big boy, if that's what he wants he can go ahead.

I'm not going after him this time.  I'm tired and I'm old, even if I don't look it, and Nate's still a fixer-upper.  I bought that renovator's dream when I was still young enough to imagine what he'd look like after I'd had some walls knocked out and got him rewired and repainted, now I'm twenty years older and he's still just the same.  I'm not a renovator anymore, and I don't want to be.  I want to be a resident.  I want to have a house with solid floors and a comfy armchair in front of the fire and a big kitchen where someone other than me will cook.  Maybe I can buy a house like that and hire something pretty named Marcel or Jason to manage the kitchen part.

Hell, maybe I finally grew up.  But I don't dream my old dreams anymore.  This birthday's different.  Nate would hate me for saying this, I hate myself a bit for being so selfish, but... I wish that things were back the way they were.

-=END=-

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